Pollenatrix

Universal Declaration of (*cough*) Plant Rights

Oh, those crazy Venezualans. In honour of the 56th anniversary of the signing of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights" (UDHR), they have now introduced to the world, with the help of a long list of botanical groupies, the "UDPR" -- the "Universal Declaration of Plant Rights". It was THE "can't miss" cultural event of the year:

The solemn act concluded with famous composer and singer Leonor Fuguet who is also the author of numerous excellent "green songs."

Every lofty and noble concern has been covered off in the document, including habitat preservation and the protection of plant species from extinction, illegal collection, and clear-cutting. However, I am happy to report that not even the humblest shrub at the mercy of the most incompetent gardener has been forgotten:

Article 7. Avoid cruelty against plants such as inadequate pruning or excessive lopping or any other unwise procedure, which often can cause the death of the plant.

No doubt relentless lobbying from pressure groups like PlantAmnesty ("PlantAmnesty’s mission is to end the senseless torture and mutilation of trees and shrubs.") resulted in the inclusion of that particular article.

A rose by any other name would smell as... a beer?

Ok folks, it's shaping up to be a good news day:

A German professor has discovered that the smell of beer is similar to that of roses.

"...flowers and beer have more in common than you'd think," said Dietrich Wabner, a professor at Munich's (it figures...Ed.) Technical University...

Wabner developed a procedure to determine the ingredients responsible for the taste and shelf life of beer. To his surprise, he discovered that the fragrance of beer resembles that of roses.

"We found the same essential oils in beer that are contained in roses, jasmine, grapefruit and clary sage used in perfumes," he told the German Brewer's Association DBB.

The smell of beer still brings up memories of the horrible, er, *allergic* reaction I had to its consumption after Oktoberfest a few months ago. I suppose I have THAT to look forward to next summer when I'm out pruning the rosebushes? Great. Just great.

No laughing, please

An artist buys a plant at Home Depot, and to make a statement, installs the poor thing in a contraption that is hooked up to the internet.

The installation periodically checks the value of Home Depot’s stock over the internet, and activates a watering system: if share values are up the plant gets watered.

The idea is to "make visible the artificiality of our immediate reality by showing the impact of the business market on the ecosystem."

If you're smiling about this, stop right now; the humour is unintentional, and this is "serious" art.

Right.

From phone to flower

Treehugger writes:

"(Researchers) have created a prototype cellular phone casing, made of a biodegradable polymer, which comes with an embedded sunflower seed. The casing degrades in the compost and releases the seed from its viewable capsule."

So far it's just the casing that blooms -- the phone itself is full of heavy metals. So don't plant your phones, kids....

Some poop on growing orchids

Wait... before I drift away from matters scatalogical altogether, here is a link to a site that encourages the use of fresh horsemanure as a planting medium for orchids.

Considering the number of orchids growing on my windowsills, I'm sure that would contribute to an overall ripeness in the "odeur" in our living quarters.

No more. I promise. If I keep this up, NO ONE will ever come visit me!!

Germany's number one contribution to number two

My guest blogger tonight is Laird... who had to take over when he came home to find me rolling on the floor laughing. He writes:

There are those who pooh-pooh the German turlet but to those faint patients I can only quote the court physician from that most excellent film, The Madness of King George:

"There is nothing so eloquent as the stool".

And by cracky, the Germans have found their Cicero, nay, their Demosthenes in that porcelain display case they call the toilet, at least according to the bloggers at This Magazine. 

The end.

Literary points to anyone who can sniff out the assonance in this posting... Laird's quite proud of it.

Mustn't... laugh...

It's not funny:

Five deer hunters are dead and three are in hospital with bullet wounds after a dispute over a shooting site in Wisconsin...

But the headline is:

Row ends with five deerly departed

Things grow better with Coke

A toilet bowl cleaner, a good windshield washer fluid, and an efficient rust remover. Someone in China is reportedly using it as a spermicide. Oh yeah, and some people actually drink the stuff.

Now the U.K.'s Guardian newspaper reports that farmers in India are using Coca-Cola as a very successful crop spray to kill bugs.

Hee hee hee heee....

Link: Guardian Unlimited | Things grow better with Coke.

Bullwinkle Takes Flight

My uncles and grandfather were moose hunters in New Brunswick, and I grew up hearing stories of the bizarre agressive antics of bull moose in full rut. I've heard about a moose treeing my grandfather for a full day; moose charging moving locomotives head on, as well as cars on the highway; moose wandering into downtown Saint John, mistaking the foghorn for the calls of a lovesick female. But I've NEVER heard of anything like this!

Yes, that's a bull moose, hanging 50 feet up in some electrical cables. Workers were five miles away, using hydraulics to string up power lines, when the moose came across the swaying cables and decided to pick a fight. The line construction manager for City Electric in Anchorage explains:

Crews can lay up to five miles of line at a time before tightening it with a giant hydraulic winch, said Pickens. It's similar to stringing fishing line through the eyes of a fishing pole, he said. The line is pulled through leaders on the crossties at the top of the power poles and then winched tight with as much as 5,000 pounds of pressure, he said.

"As you're pulling, it constantly droops up and down," said Pickens. "My guess is that he was right in the middle of one of the sections when it got pulled up."

It's not uncommon for bull moose to challenge inanimate objects to a battle during the rut when testosterone has taken over. Most Alaskans have seen pictures of bull moose with swing sets, tire swings, lawn chairs and Christmas lights tangled in their antlers at this time of year....

"We've had them running down the main streets of Delta with shirts and pants hanging from their antlers after they get caught up in clotheslines"

 

Bullwinkle was lowered to the ground, but sadly, there's no happy ending to this one. He was unable to get himself untangled, and was so traumatized that there was little chance he'd survive a tranquilizer dart. His carcass is now gracing the freezer and plate of some local needy family, though everyone's wondering what happened to the trophy sized rack of antlers.

Read the full story here...

How far would YOU go to save the world?

Hmmm, there's a theme emerging here... this morning's favourite news item comes from The Grist Magazine ("Hard-hitting news, thought-provoking features, and inspiring profiles"). It talks about a randy young Swedish couple who are "going all the way" to raise money to save the planet through their paid-subscription Website, (cover your eyes, Granny, this ain't a work-friendly link) "Fuck for Forest":

Since this past winter, when Johansson and Ellingsen started the site (with seed money from the Norwegian government), Fuck for Forest has gained considerable notoriety in the European environmental community. In July, the group won both friends and enemies around the world after making a special appearance at Quart, an outdoor music festival in Kristiansand, Norway.

The couple climbed onstage during the performance of a band called (what else?) the Cumshots. "How far are you willing to go to save the world?" said Ellingsen, who then proceeded to go all the way for about 10 minutes in front of an audience of several thousand.

 

Naturally, this wildly successful publicity stunt sent the mainstream environmental groups scurrying to distance themselves from the pair (though, perhaps, not their money). However, one supporter makes this interesting point:

"We live in a world where public sex is considered far more controversial than wholesale ecological destruction."

Their Website bares (among other things) several grievances over the reaction to their stunt, including a complaint that they were thrown off the premises of the music festival on the last day by organizers who feared a repeat performance. I quote:

"We had done our Quart sex stunt; does the Quart festival believe that we need to fuck all the time?? Sometimes we just want to watch a nice concert and eat a waffle."

Ahhh. This made my day.